One of the many tools employed by LDS church leaders to both attack former members and to keep the faithful fearfully on the covenant path is to create an artificial distinction between “happiness” and “joy.” To the outside world, these words are generally used interchangeably, but the church redefines these terms in a fashion that allows them to be weaponized against non-believers. They teach that happiness is fleeting and circumstantial, but joy is divine and enduring—the latter available only to believing, obedient members. This enables the rhetoric that nonbelievers—especially former members—may look happy and even experience fleeting moments of happiness, but they’ll never know true joy unless they repent and become obedient members of the church. This is manipulation and simply false.

Consider the following examples:

Lucifer has created a counterfeit or illusion of happiness that is inconsistent with righteousness and will mislead us if we are not vigilant. Many of our problems today occur because the secular world has been pursuing an incorrect definition of happiness. We know from the Book of Mormon that this problem has existed throughout all generations. We also know the blessings that come from living the commandments.

Elder Quintin L. Cook, “Reaping the Rewards of Righteousness”

… those who yield to the enticing of Satan may, as the scripture says, “enjoy the pleasures of sin for a season,” but that kind of pleasure can never lead to lasting happiness or eternal joy. The spirit and influence of Satan bring feelings of confusion, contention, darkness, disorder, anger, hate, and misery.

Elder Dallin H. Oaks, "Joy and Mercy"

A friend of mine, one of the elect, was deceived. My friend served a mission and was an outstanding missionary. When she came home from her mission, she intended to do all the little things that had brought the Spirit into her life and had strengthened her on her mission. And for a time, she did.

However, she saw friends, many of whom were returned missionaries, come to church each Sunday but outside of church live as the world lives. They seemed happy. They were doing “fun” things. And their lifestyle didn’t seem to require as much work as hers did.

Slowly she stopped doing the little things that had brought her spiritual strength on her mission. She still had a testimony, but she told me that she had concluded, “If I was just attending my Church meetings, I was OK—I was on track.” Nevertheless, she said, “Spiritually, I was inactive.” As she lived as the world lives, one bad choice led to another, and soon she became pregnant. Her unrighteous choices eventually caught up with her. She wasn’t happy, and she knew it. Fortunately, my friend recognized that she had been deceived, and she repented.

Her story highlights that even the best of us can be deceived. Furthermore, her story points out that we must constantly guard against deception. We accomplish this by doing the little things that bring the Spirit into our lives.

Brian K. Ashton, "Three Lessons on Love, Joy, and Peace"

The LDS Church is not the only organization that behaves this way. This rhetoric is used by lots of groups to reinforce the necessity of adhering to their principles. Notably, it is particularly common in fundamentalist religious movements—and most prominent in high demand ones.

This false narrative can go both ways. Sometimes exMormons do the same thing regarding members of the church by suggesting that the happy faithful aren’t truly happy, and cannot be so long as they are controlled by the church. Let me be clear: this is the same false rhetoric weaponized in another way. I’ve been happy and joyful in the church, and just as happy and joyful outside the church. When I was a believing member, sometimes the church and Mormonism brought me happiness and joy, and sometimes it disrupted my happiness and joy. That remains true today, just differently.

Happiness is the object and design of our existence; and will be the end thereof, if we pursue the path that leads to it; and this path is virtue, uprightness, faithfulness, holiness, and keeping all the commandments of God.

Joseph Smith, Jr., Happiness Letter to Nancy Rigdon

Here’s the thing: happiness and joy are two words for the same thing. These aren’t different emotions that are exclusively available to select people. There isn’t some hierarchy where some people are truly joyful whereas others are merely happy. Being happy is to be joyful; to feel joy is to be full of happiness.

Despite what they are selling, the church doesn’t have a monopoly on joy. Neither is it the case that all believing members are unknowingly depressed. These are both oversimplified views of reality that reflect unhealthy relationships with the church. We can do better.

Do not suppose, because it has been spoken concerning restoration, that ye shall be restored from sin to happiness. Behold, I say unto you, wickedness never was happiness.

Alma 41:10